Every boy i’ve ever loved has been a virgo
08
May
i figure they might
maybe take my depressions more
seriously now
07
April
So, my best friend’s mom told him that she thought I liked him and to not break my heart.
and I think I might have almost lost him today, and that’s frightening.
20
March
I really deperately wanted to like him, I really did
but there’s a certain spark that has to be there and it just wasn’t there.
When I talk about being depressed
they look at me like I’ve got three heads
like I’m doing it for attention
that someone who looks like me
that someone with my personality
couldn’t possibly go home every day
and fight being swallowed whole by the pain that plagues him.
They look at me like I’m a liar.
and the only thing worse than being depressed
is being depressed all alone.
25
February
Fix me
If you can fix me
I will love you completely.
It is a sickness
People get a false impressions of closeness and intimacy when I share sexual stuff with them. What gets me going, what doesn’t, what I have and haven’t done with who, etc.
I will tell that to pretty much anyone who sincerely wants to talk about it.
Sharing emotional stuff with you means we’re close.
Because there is only one person I’ve ever broken down for. One person who has really seen all the walls come tumbling down, and everything turn raw.
One.
That’s how you tell if we’re close.
25
February
“I’m sorry for bothering you.” he wrote. I scoffed. There was no such thing as him bothering me.
“You are absolutely never a bother” I typed. I added a little text heart. To make it extra affectionate.
“Thank you. I feel better now. Night! :)” He responded. Then, I felt it coming on.
“Night! :)” I typed back. When I really meant “Wait, please never leave me.”
And I thought of it. I was wrong. There was one thing about him that bothered me, and that thing was that I couldn’t be around him all the time. But how do you tell someone that… ?
I guess you don’t.
24
February
Accepting someone’s affections and having nothing to give them in return is a terrible thing.
Why am I doing it?
20
February
Everytime I fall deeper in love
everytime I see him
i fall deeper and deeper in love
everytime i fall harder
i realize that i can’t let him ever know
because i need him
and he’d never accept my love
because he’s got love
from someone who can be what he want.
10
February
